As time goes by, o el tiempo pasa.

A few minutes ago I saw a video where a good friend of mine talks about his life outside of our country and why he's doing what he's doing. I felt happy for him because he is working hard to achieve his goals, he's a good man that deserves to succeed. The lady who was interviewing him asked if he ever felt nostalgic for his home country and he said he did but that he was also certain that he was doing the right thing by being where he's at.

I miss my family and friends and would like to visit them soon. In my heart, my country is always with me, it's part of my life and it's a part of my persona. But...still...at this point in time, I feel like a woman without a nation. I'm in limbo, "ni de aquí ni de allá". Sometimes a feeling of "alieness" comes over me and when that happens, I feel alone, like the only human being on a very lonely planet. There are other days when I feel so integrated with the local masses that I forget I'm just another stranger in an even stranger land...I forget that I like my coffee with lots of milk and instead order a "cortado" (and afterwards regret it while tossing and turning in my bed at night).

I have changed some of my ways to adapt to this environment, but the essentials are still there. I enjoy the city I live in and marble at its people and their customs. But I know that this city is not mine to keep, it has been kind enough to embrace me when I needed it the most. It has helped me to grow and learn more about myself and for that, I will always be grateful. I can bitch and moan about the things I don't like about this city, but in the end, her though love has saved my life.

Un buena chillada

De vez en cuando, es necesario llorar a moco tendido. Es terapéutico y previene la locura. Además, eso de llorar bonito no se me da bien. Cuando lloro, lloro como debe ser. Me salen las lágrimas como una cascada y se me va el aire, lloro igual que cuando tenía 5 años.
I cry because a part of my life is over and, a part of me still wants to resist change. It comes and goes, there are times during the day when everything is good but then, I never know exactly when it will happen, but it does...the sadness arrives.
A part of me wishes that I could still be "in the dark" about certain things. I was doing very well before I knew them. But then again, it's better this way. I cry as much as I have to and then, when I'm ready, I will be on the other side again.

A veces pienso que soy muy severa. Cuando algo ya no funciona, ¡va para afuera! O si algo me provoca tristeza y me hace mas daño que bien, lo retiro de mi vida por completo, en ocasiones, para no volver jamás. Hay cosas que retiro por un tiempo y si el día llega en que la situación, persona o lugar ya no me provoca sentimientos negativos, entonces sí, welcome back into my life.

Such is life. You do what you have to do. You cry when you have to cry. But most importantly, you laugh at yourself and you love as much as you can.