November 05, 2010

As time goes by, o el tiempo pasa.

A few minutes ago I saw a video where a good friend of mine talks about his life outside of our country and why he's doing what he's doing. I felt happy for him because he is working hard to achieve his goals, he's a good man that deserves to succeed. The lady who was interviewing him asked if he ever felt nostalgic for his home country and he said he did but that he was also certain that he was doing the right thing by being where he's at.

I miss my family and friends and would like to visit them soon. In my heart, my country is always with me, it's part of my life and it's a part of my persona. But...still...at this point in time, I feel like a woman without a nation. I'm in limbo, "ni de aquí ni de allá". Sometimes a feeling of "alieness" comes over me and when that happens, I feel alone, like the only human being on a very lonely planet. There are other days when I feel so integrated with the local masses that I forget I'm just another stranger in an even stranger land...I forget that I like my coffee with lots of milk and instead order a "cortado" (and afterwards regret it while tossing and turning in my bed at night).

I have changed some of my ways to adapt to this environment, but the essentials are still there. I enjoy the city I live in and marble at its people and their customs. But I know that this city is not mine to keep, it has been kind enough to embrace me when I needed it the most. It has helped me to grow and learn more about myself and for that, I will always be grateful. I can bitch and moan about the things I don't like about this city, but in the end, her though love has saved my life.