September 26, 2003

Convencion de Mujeres en Retiro Espiritual

Ayer se dio inicio al evento más importante para las Mujeres de este Estado Glorioso que es Baja California. Si señores, señoritas, hobbits y demás personajes ilustres, el jolgorio ha comenzado.
El evento tiene como su sede el "Convention Center Ramos Salas", ubicado en la bella ciudad de Rosarito. El lugar cuenta con hermosas vistas hacia la playa y un gran patio donde los participantes se reúnen a tomar el refrigerio entre cada exposición.

La convención dura cuatro días, en los cuales se fomenta la unión y el compañerismo entre todas las participantes. Este año contamos con la honorable presencia de las miembros de más antiguedad, quiénes han participado en dicha convención desde hace más de 30 años, Doña Esperanza Ramos y su siempre adorable hermana, Rebeca Reséndiz. Este evento promete estar lleno de algarabía y regocijo, por lo que la redactora está fuera del aire por unos días, probablemente curando la cruda (o bien, repasando los temas tratados en el retiro "espiritual").


September 25, 2003

It keeps getting better and better...

Mary Carey's Gubernatorial Platform

The most important issue facing California right now is our $38 billion deficit and 6.7% unemployment rate. California needs a governor who will get our finances in order! As a “political outsider,” I have fresh, original ideas for helping the state generate revenue and reduce its deficit. Here are just some of them:


1. Legalize gay marriage in California. This will generate a tremendous amount of revenue for the state as a honeymoon destination. So, from then on it will be known ad Gayfornia... Or Maryland.. oh no, they already have one of those... nevermind.

2. Tax breast implants. From Beverly Hills alone, we should bring in millions in tax revenue. (Note: I am all-natural and I personally discourage the use of implants!)
U-huh

3. Make lap dances a tax deductible business expense. This will help grease the wheels of business in California and stimulate our economy.
Tubo! Tubo! Tubo!

4. If I’m elected Governor, I will wire the Governor’s Mansion with live web cams in every room. We will create a pay site, and all money collected will go toward reducing the deficit. Californians will get to see their government in action - literally! (Also, we will have people from around the globe helping to pay off our debt, so it doesn’t all fall on the shoulders of Californians.)
Every Sunday @ 11:00 p.m. Eastern on the Playboy Channel

5. I will create a “Porn for Pistols” program to take handguns off the streets. Dealing with the violence and injuries associated with handguns is a huge drain on our state's resources. Instead of wacking a guy, they will be wacking each other off, nice.

6. As Governor, I will recruit fellow performers from the adult video industry as ambassadors of good will. These ambassadors will be a great help to California when it comes to such things as negotiating rates for buying electricity from neighboring states. We will provide Blow Jobs for Cut Off in prices!

7. I will fight the federal government's attempts to harass the adult video industry. Adult video is an $11 billion industry that creates more than $23 million in taxes each year for the state of California. We can't afford to lose this tax base! Mmmm.. I think I'll start my own porn business...

9. If elected, I will support legislation to allow bars throughout the state of California to remain open until 4am. It will generate extra revenue, give additional hours of employment to the working class, and have a positive chain reaction throughout our economy. NNNNNOOOOO!!! Tijuanas Economy depends on all the gringos who come to Tijuana for cheap alcohol and second rate marihuana!!!

Anything Goes !

Gringos facinate me, honestly.

September 23, 2003

Comin soon to a theater near you

People Who Are Going Straight To Hell Museum



Those to be displayed in said Museum are:

Men with unshaved back hair that persist in wearing tank-tops;

Tommy Hilfiger and anyone who has ever owned an item bearing his name. CAUTION: this room is not suitable to hyperactive children or anyone else who tends to be over-stimulated by the juxtaposition of loud colors;

Former sitcom stars that write autobiographies;

Professional widows;

The corporate consultant who first suggested replacing the entire Customer Service Department with a voice-mail labyrinth;

People unable to don an article of clothing unless it prominently displays someone else's name (for clarification: the red stripe inlay on the heel of Prada sport shoes is not considered a "prominent display");

People who think just because their U-Haul unloaded in Manhattan they are suddenly somehow more sophisticated than the bumpkins they left behind in the bucolic town in which they grew up and received their dreadful education;

People whose cars sport license plates with anything other than a random configuration of symbols. They are not called "vanity plates" for nothing and whereas vanity's name to Shakespeare may be "woman," to God, it is "damned;"

Any person who is under the misapprehension that a bottle of perfume or cologne, no matter how expensive, is "one application;"

People who have call waiting and use it, offering up their friends, as if in social auction, to see whom is the more worthy of their precious attention;

Anyone who wears a t-shirt that contains a complete sentence;

People who assume that simply because you haven't resorted to pulling a gun on them, you are actually interested in the story of their pedestrian life;

People who brandish wireless-phones in public places (there is a rather hot locale, with a lovely view of a lake of fire, in Hell for those who have had the temerity to have a conversation on such a device while dining with Mrs. Bowers);

People who have used the word "Illuminati" outside of the context of quoting an annoying person; and

People who use the tediously trite description that a noun was "from Hell" when not referring specifically to Satan.

September 22, 2003

Chargers Suck... con todo respeto.

Yesterday was a good day.

I went to my first NFL game ever. I had been to Football games before, but just College games, nothing like what I saw yesterday.
My Dad got the tickets from a friend of his and even though we had an idea that the tickets where in a good spot, we had no idea how awsome it would be!! We where in a suite!!
I've been to Baseball games at Qualcomm before, always in the lower level seats and I've had a very good time always... but I can tell you that a suite is THE best way to watch a game.
When my Dad opened the door to the suite I thought he had made a mistake, but as soon as we stepped in we saw his friend with his family drinking beer and waiting for the game to start.
Th suites are spacious rooms with their own private bathroom, a couch, a couple a bar stools, refrigerator (with beer and sodas), hot dogs with all the fixins, tortilla chips and salsa (it was Día de la Hispanidad or something like that) a television (just in case you want to watch the game from the inside of the room) and a private balcony to watch the game from.
Our suite was in the yellow area, it was Suite #1:


Our view:



Ofcourse, it would have been even better if the Chargers hadn't sucked so much. It was really depressing... honestly. It was licke watching a rookie game, most of the players seemed to have no idea of what they where doing, with the honorable exception of Mr. 21. It was as if the players had rubbed lubricant in their hands, the ball just kept sliding of their grasp.. It was a sorry sight indeed.
But anyway... I'm a 49er fan (practically since my diaper ages), so who cares. I had my yummy hot dog, drank beer, screamed at the pathetic plays and got to see the envious looks of the ordinary people seating on the ordinary seats... It was a good day.





September 18, 2003

Lady in Waiting



Who knew?

Who knew there was a cop in my family.. might come in handy one day...

September 17, 2003

Extraordinary Gentleman... and Woman



Although I enjoy a good comic now and then, I'm not a connoisseur on the subject. Therefore, there are probably thousands of comics I have never heard of. Shame on me.

I went to see this movie because I like Sean Connery, I had no idea what it was about...well, when I saw the poster for the movie I had a brief Indiana Jones flash back, so I must confess that was also another incentive... anyway, I still have not decided if I liked it or not.

As the characters started to appear, I began to feel very excited, which is one good thing of not having known about the comic, if I had known it, it wouldn't have been
such a pleasant surprise. By the middle of the movie, I was half expecting Sherlock Holmes, Poirot, Frankenstein and Van Helsing to appear in any second.

Taking into account that in my list of 10 best stories ever written we can find: Dracula (read it 46 times and counting), Frankenstein, Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, 2000 Leagues Under the Sea, Around the world in 80 days and Dorian Grey (I know he's not included in the comic, but I love it anyway), I can say this much... I was thrilled with the idea of the movie.

About agent Sawyer... Why, oh why???? He just doesn't fit in the story, he's just the yankee element added so the gringo audience would feel "part of" the movie... bad idea, seriously. Many die hard fans of the comic will say the same about Dorian, but I don't care... I think he was a good element, and sexy to boot (yeah, he's gay.. who isn't these days).

I think I did like it... it's not as good as it could have been.... They had all the elements to create an awsome flick... Heelllooooo?? Mina Harker, Allan Quartermain, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (where the probably got the idea to create Hulk, by the way), Captain Nemo, The Invisible Man... the elemnts are there. Nough said yall.





September 15, 2003

Sexo Medicinal

Un médico se encontraba sentado en la silla de su consultorio, después de tener sexo con su paciente. Pensando en lo que había hecho, su conciencia le repetia: ¡¡¡pero como hice eso!!! ¡que verguenza he perdido toda la ética profesional!

Al rato de estar culpándose de sus actos, observa que sobre su hombro
derecho aparece un diablillo que le dice:

ESCUCHAME... NO SEAS PENDEJO... ¡ HAY UNA CANTIDAD EXAGERADA DE
MEDICOS QUE TIENEN SEXO CON SUS PACIENTES, ¿ QUE TE CREES ? ¿QUE ERES
EL UNICO? ... HAZME CASO GUEY... ES DE LO MAS NATURAL DEL MUNDO...

El médico convencido asiente. Tienes razón, si ,yo no hice nada malo.

Al terminar de decir eso, en su otro hombro aparece un angelito y le replica al oído:

NO TE OLVIDES QUE ERES VETERINARIO !!!
VE-TE-RI-NA-RIO, PENDEJO... NO LO OLVIDES !!!

September 12, 2003

Remebering

A reporter asked Bush what was going thru his mind when he first heard of the terrorist attack on the WTC in New York and he said: The world has changed. We are at war.

O.k... so, in his mind the world changed when that sad event took place, because surely when the almighty USofA is attacked, it's a world event... ALL THE WORLD, to gringos their country has always been THE WORLD. They never cared to look beyond their borders...what am I saying, they didn't even look beyond their citys or their little towns.
Teenage kids in the US had huuuugggeeeee problems like, having money to buy the latest outfits, having sex, becoming famous moviestars/sportstars/singers, etc., being cool and hip. Oh yes, they had hard lives.
You would think a horrible attack like the one they witnessed two years ago would have REALLY changed their world. But alas!! It is the same, if not worse. More stupid reality shows to numb their minds, more stupid people wanting to be famous and rich, to be somebody.. apparently you are a nobody if you're not famous.

The world didn't change when the US was attacked, the world has been changing constantly, every day, every minute... even if people don't notice it. What about all the people in other countries that live in fear of attacks, that have always lived with the threat of death and hunger?. What about the countries that have been attacked by the US? Don't you think their world has changed a long time before Bush noticed it? The world has changed for many countries and many humans long since the attack in the US.

On september 11th 2001 I was woken up by my mother with the horrible news of the attack. I couldn't believe it, I had been up in those towers less than a year before it happened. It was wonderful, you could see all of Manhattan and it gave you a feeling of flying or floating in the clouds. I remember seeing hundreds of people coming and going, and I thought how wonderful it would be to work in such a place. Everyone seemed so busy, so full of life and energy. I imagined myself going up the elevator to one of the offices full of people from all over the world, all together working, laughing, making new friends, closing deals, drinking coffe and talking about the kids, know what I mean?
I remembered these thoughts and feelings the day of the attack. It made me feel so sad and I felt fear I hadn't known before. I knew the US would retaliate, I knew thousands more where going to die because of the attacks. Thousands more that, like all the people in the WTC, where INNOCENT. Is it worth killing thousands of people if you know one of them is the guilty one?? Is it worth killing innocent lives just so the world can see you are a tough guy, so they can see you will act like Bruce Willis in any one of his stupid action movies?.

The US is no white lamb, there are many out there who hate them, with good reasons too. Anyone would hate the murderer of their sons and daughters, wouldn't they? So, do not judge what you do not know. Don't stand in judgement of Muslims, or anyother race that dares stand up to their rights. In the end, it's all about the oil/money, and ofcourse.. it's all about the POWER.

May God bless us, and I mean ALL of us, ALL HUMAN BEINGS, regardless of country of origin.

September 10, 2003

Como hacer que la gente deje de molestarte con...


"¿CUANDO TE VAS A CASAR?"


Mis tías solían acercarse a mí en las bodas, dándome golpecitos en las
costillas y diciendo: "Eres el siguiente..."
Dejaron de hacerlo cuando yo empecé a hacer lo mismo en los funerales.

September 09, 2003

Carne Asada

Last friday I got a call at about 8 p.m. from one of my best guy friends. He called to invite me over to his parents house for Carne Asada (and loads of other food items, delissshhh!) since he was leaving for Europe on Sunday and only God knows when he will visit again. So, I sort of made myself presentable and headed over to his house.
The food was excellent and the night was unusually warm. One of my girlfriends is pregnant with her second child(yes, her second child and she's exactly one year older than me), which will be another girl. Before she got married and had her first kid, she was usually a very good listener and she had very interesting things to say...OH how I miss those days! What happens today when you want to talk to her is that you can't hold her attention for more than a few seconds, specially when her firstborn is around. I don't want to sound like a bitch (which I have admitted I am, sometimes...) but it's driving me crazy.
It's like this:

Pregnant Friend says:

Soooo!! how are you doing? What book are you reading these days? (sounding really interested)

Me:

(Trying to talk fast so she wont divert her attention elsewhere) Well, I'm reading To the Lighthouse from Virginia Wolf, do you know which one I'm....***she interrupts with*** Baby!! Come and eat your meat honey... ohhh.. that's funny darling, momma's so proud!... You where saying? ***she says with a smile as she looks at me again***

Me:

Nevermind, what's up with you?

Pregnant Friend says:

Ohh.. well, baby has just started preschool and she love's it. Fiffy is also taking her baby there, it is very good you know.. they have this and that and blah blah blah..

After having a lot of conversations like that one I just decided to let it go and accept that there is no use with her, or my other pregnant/just married friends. Their world is reduced to weddings, showers, kids television programs, kids clothes, pediatricians, etc.etc.

I am verklempt.

September 04, 2003

Bloody Hell

Coventry, England

After nine police officers on a narcotics raid at an apartment building in Coventry, England, squeezed into an elevator made for eight, it stalled. The officers would up being trapped for 45 minutes untill resident Eddie Laidle heard their cries for help. "I told them I would get the police," he said, "and they shouted, We are the bloody police -- get the fire brigade!"

September 03, 2003

Un día triste

Hace un par de días murió la Mamá de una conocida mía, hoy fui a la misa ofrecida en su memoria.
No sé cómo describir lo que he sentido al asistir a aquella misa, pero haré lo posible por expresarme, aunque sólo sea para desahogar un poco lo que traigo atorado en mi garganta.
No le di el pésame a mi compañera, no tuve el valor ni la voluntad para acercarme a ella en esos momentos. No está bien, yo lo sé. Sé que la finalidad de ir a los velorios o funerales es que los que están vivos sepan que tienen apoyo, que estamos con ellos. No son para el que ya se fue.. esa persona ya no puede presenciar el acto de despedida.. es para quienes se han quedado aquí. Me avergüenza, lo tengo que decir. Me da pena que por mi debilidad, por mi falta de fuerza interior, no haya podido acercarme a dar un abrazo o a decir unas palabras de aliento.
Estar en aquella misa me trajo muchos recuerdos. Recuerdos de tiempos tristes, incomprensibles, llenos de tristeza e impotencia. Tantas mujeres que quiero se han ido, tantas que siempre fueron y serán, mis guías, mis amigas, mis confidentes... varias de ellas por el mismo mal, un cáncer que poco a poco en algunos casos, o fulminantemente en otros, se las ha llevado. Al escuchar las palabras del Papá de mi compañera, viendo en su cara la terrible tristeza que lo inundaba al haber perdido a la compañera de su vida, supe que no podía quedarme ahí más tiempo.
Imaginé por unos segundos lo que significa perder a una madre y no lo pude soportar.

Creo que soy una mujer fuerte, y lo he demostrado en muchas ocasiones. Más bien soy de carácter fuerte... pero mi corazón es tan débil, que con más razón debo protegerlo a toda costa. Me he tragado lágrimas más de una vez... pero hoy sentí que si no me iba de ahí cuanto antes, no podría detenerlas.
Abue, Adelaida, Macristy... las extraño mucho.


September 01, 2003

The Chocolate Cake

After being incredibly sick last thursday and friday, saturday turned out to be not to bad.
You do not want to know the details of my ailment, I can just say it was horrible.
When I woke up on saturday, things seemed to be getting back to normal, which was great since I had a surprise bachelorette party later that night.
This bachelorette party was more of a surprise to me and other girlfriends, than it was to the actual bride to be. You see, she did what we mexicans call.."se comió la torta antes del recreo", meaning: she's pregnant.
So, we just had a couple of weeks to throw an express shower, then she'll have her express wedding, and finally, the express baby shower (in that order).

The party was fun. We danced, sang, drank, ate and ofcourse, played around with some chiles, ate penis cake (choclate, it was delish!) and broke a couple of piñatas (they where full of candies since filling them up with condoms was irrelevant at this point).
There where many girlfriends there I hadn't seen in a very long time, so it was a reunion of sorts. OHHH! We smoked some stuff that the sister-in-law to be braught to the party. It's some kind of sweet tobacco (she's part arab or something).. it was awsome!.
Sunday was slow, just ate some good sushi and went to the movies with my mom (she's just infinetly cool).
Until the next installment of nonsense...
Ich bin das Walroß