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I wish I didn’t have to say it, somehow I hoped that my friends would notice on their own. I guess because I have always noticed changes in them, I thought they would notice them in me. But the truth is, human beings are selfish. Most people go around life worrying about themselves, thinking that whatever happens to them has never happened before. I know I come off as being a tough woman and most of the time the appraisal is correct. I try to stand by my friends and help them out by keeping their feet on the ground and their heads looking up. If a girlfriend is sad, I do my best to cheer her up, I let her know I’m there, for whatever she needs. If she needs to cry, maybe she wants to get drunk, maybe go shopping… anything that I can do to help her out. When one of my guy friends is having a hard time, I let him know that I will listen to him if he needs to talk or I’ll go to the movies with him if company is the only things he wants. What I’m trying to say is that I have had my own little troubles and most of the time I can sympathize with others that are going through similar situations. I feel other people’s pain sometimes and I think that makes me a good friend, or at least not a bad one.
How sad is it that I should express my feelings by writing them in my blog, when I’m always bragging about how many friends I’ve made through the years.
Well, lately my friends have had to much going on in their worlds to notice that I have really needed them… I know what you are going to say.. why don’t you just go ahead and ask for their support? Why don’t I tell them that I need them? I don’t know.. I guess it’s this romantic idea I had that they would notice something in me, that they loved me so much they would actually see beyond my smiles, beyond my icy façade.. I always notice those things, but I guess that’s just me.
Well, someone did finally ask me something a few days ago. It was a person I love so much I can’t ever express it with simple words. He has no idea of the effect his little “insignificant” question has had in me. It’s just so ironic that he would be the one to provoke all these things going on in my head, all these feelings… I hadn’t heard from him since the summer of 2000, and now he suddenly emerges, he makes contact right on cue.
He asked a question I didn’t want to respond to anyone, not even myself. It has forced me to delve deep into my soul to find an answer, whether I wanted to or not. My dearest boy, how I have missed you.